I had forgotten, to tell you the truth, that I’d written this little bagatelle about your ridiculous Gary Ostrow Lawyer Announces He Is Taking on All Celebrity Criminal Cases in Florida press release. It’d been a couple years, and it wasn’t a big deal at the time. It attracted a few comments then slipped my mind.
Then I got a phone call today from some guy calling himself Patrick Zarrelli. He claimed to be doing reputation management on your behalf. He said something about cocaine—I can’t be sure whether he was talking about himself or about you.
Anyway, this Patrick Zarrelli guy threatened to file a grievance against me if I didn’t take the post down.
I tried to explain to Zarrelli that I’m a First Amendment lawyer and that I’ve been unsuccessfully grieved and sued for the content of this blog. He didn’t seem to catch the gist; he kept threatening, acting like he thought he knew the law. There was some mumbo-jumbo about it not being “hot news,” so that I had to take it down. Apparently he has lawyers in his family, so he’s an expert. I know: crazy, right? (Do you think it was the cocaine talking?) [Update 10/30: Patrick assures me that he doesn’t do cocaine, so he must have been talking about the cocaine in connection with you. How do you feel about that, Gary?]
I don’t play well with extortionists, so I told Zarrelli to go ahead and file his grievance. I may have dropped an f-bomb or two—Gary, don’t you hate it when people threaten to do stupid things instead of just doing them? I know I do.
Anyway, Gary, I thought you’d like to know that some stupid asshole calling himself Patrick Zarrelli is going around trying to fuck up your reputation while claiming to be your agent. Despite the judgment errors in your past (which are legion—we all make mistakes), I doubt that you are dumb enough to hire this Zarrelli character to try to push me around.
Are you, Gary?
Anyway, you might want to get ahead of this one, since if Zarrelli makes the same call to Scott Greenfield, all hell is likely to break loose.
p.s. Can you cook?