Coming Soon: Retard Kolaches

I hate to say, “that’s just not funny.” Even aside from the Feminist Law Profs ownership of that particular intellectual property (and you do not want to tangle with the FLPs), I figure it’s better to respect the dark humor in a situation than to pretend it doesn’t exist. But c’mon now, Psycho Donuts: “A padded cell, a ‘nutcase’ art display“? Straitjackets for the kiddos? “Bipolar” donuts? “Massive Head Trauma” donuts?


How about these new business ideas (free to anyone who can get an SBA loan)?:

  • Cripple Chili Dogs, where all the sandwiches are broken in amusing ways.
  • Boozehound Smoothies, with drinks like the “Mad Dog”, the “Sterno”, and the “DTs”.
  • PTSD Croissants, where video screens play entertaining loops of actual violent crimes and gun battles from Vietnam to Afghanistan over a soundtrack of screeching brakes and IEDs.

Or (my personal favorite):

  • The Knocked-Up Teenager Bakery, where a barefoot high school dropout will serve your bread on a wrapper printed to look like GEDs.

About Mark Bennett

Mark Bennett got his letter of marque from the Supreme Court of Texas in May 1995. He is famous for having no sense of humor when it comes to totalitarianism.
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4 Responses to Coming Soon: Retard Kolaches

  1. Michael says:

    The Knocked-Up Teenager Bakery: are you eligible for an SBA loan if your mother was a RWNJ candidate for vice president?

  2. Jdog says:

    Okay, I’ll run with it. If I were writing the book, the KUTB would be a bakery attached to a halfway house for young, formerly homeless, expectant mothers who would work as wait- and bake-staff. The place would be scrupulously clean, of course.

    Their ads would read: “Here at the Knocked Up Teenager Bakery, we’ve always got a bun in the oven.”

    I ran into Rodentman (not his real name) at the gun store today. He gave me his business card. Rman lost a leg in a motorcyle accident, some years ago, and his business card reads: “Dismemberment has its privileges.”

  3. DRH says:

    Hmmm… are you comparing mental illness to statutory rape?


    • Mark Bennett says:

      No, but it’s fascinating that that is how your brain works.

      There’s no statutory rape involved in impregnating a teenager unless one of the parties is at least three years older than the other (in TX, YMMV etc.).

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